A recent example of Ignatius J. Reilly working his way into my own writing:

Death Shall Come On Swift (and rapidly beating) Wings...

Sender: Matthew Jesse DeViney
Recipient: Christine Carol Toburen

I've collected a pair of tactics which may be of considerable use in our campaign to end hummingbirds.

A) "Hummingbirds sometimes fly into garages and become trapped. It is widely believed that this is because they mistake the hanging (usually red-color) door-release handle for a flower, although hummingbirds can also get trapped in enclosures that do not contain anything red. Once inside, they may be unable to escape because their natural instinct when threatened or trapped is to fly upward. This is a life-threatening situation for hummingbirds, as they can become exhausted and die in a relatively short period of time, possibly as little as an hour."

B) "Many people enjoy attracting hummingbirds by offering feeders, taking pleasure in observing the colourful birds. Hummingbirds will use man-made feeders, particularly red ones. A suitable artificial nectar consists of one part sugar to four parts water. Sweet foods other than white sugar, such as honey, ferment too quickly and MAY CAUSE THEM HARM." (edit - capitalized for emphasis)

Unfortunately, only one of the two tactics (item A) will result in the immediate gratification that is the observable suffering of the winged demons.

If neither of these work, we can at least revel in this notion:

With the exception of insects, Hummingbirds while in flight have the highest metabolism of all animals, a necessity in order to support the rapid beating of their wings. Their heartbeat can reach as high as 1260 beats per minute, a rate once measured in a Blue-throated hummingbird. They also typically consume more than their own weight in food each day, and to do that they have to visit hundreds of flowers daily. AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT, THEY ARE ONLY HOURS AWAY FROM STARVING.

Let me know what you think...